Gwyneth Paltrow, Terry Sanderson, and Kristen Van Orman
Rick Bomer-Pool/Getty Images (2); Courtesy image
While Gwyneth Paltrow’s experience of a skateboarding crash didn’t exactly offer the same level of celebrity drama as Johnny Depp vs Amber Heardthe eight-day standoff in Park City, Utah, managed to deliver plenty of bizarre moments in the run-up to Thursday’s climax as a jury ruled Paltrow was not liable in plaintiff Dr. Terry Sanderson’s civil suit for allegedly “hitting and running” into the doctor. The pensioner is on a ski slope, which leads to constant health problems.
Here are nine of the weirdest, funniest, and most memorable moments from the proceedings, which manage to take a relatively routine ski slope run and turn it into a surreal legal spectacle. And yes, they are in order from least to most wild.
9. “I wish you well…” After nodding as he read the trial verdict, Paltrow appeared to whisper a few parting words to Sanderson after six years of contentious litigation: “I wish you well.” Which, you know, is kind of cute — even if not a single person has seen Paltrow put up with “being treated like a punching bag,” as her attorney put it during the trial, he actually thinks so.
8. Paltrow’s attorney Stephen Owens appeared to seal the deal against Sanderson on the second-to-last day of testimony, when he called Sanderson back up to the stand and gave a slideshow of his social media posts since the incident, showing the 76-year-old. He appears to lead an active and happy lifestyle for vacation after vacation, which seemed to contradict his claims that the accident left him with “a permanent traumatic brain injury…suffering and loss of enjoyment of life”. He’s not telling us,” Owens said during the closing [doctors] He flies all over the world, he rides a bike, and he’s the poster boy for fitness at 75! he publishes [online] Everything is darned. This is not like sending a private investigator and trying to find the pictures. All I have to do is [type] Terry Sanderson And my God — the man is Mr. Activity.”
7. Sanderson’s attorneys have had an intriguing closing defense for their client, apparently aware that they face an uphill battle. Robert Sykes surprised the audience—amid a recurrent phlegmatic cough from a common cold—by saying, “I think it was Gwyneth Paltrow. … She said, ‘Terry hit me in the back…’ I think she honestly believes she was hit in the back. … It’s not False. But true faith does not make it so.” It seems to have come to dodgeball meme: Bold strategy, Cotton, let’s see if it pays off.
6. Sanderson’s closing defense included some digressions. The team got into the Magna Carta and the Pilgrims and even broke the Latin definition of “judgment” (sir, would that be on the test?). But the more surreal “Where is this headed?” The thing was a lengthy anecdote about milking cows, which went something like this (and remember, this is a heavily abbreviated version): “I was in the legislature with a man named Glenn Brown. He invited me to his farm. Young lawyer, showing me how to milk cows. He didn’t Do it. He came up there and showed me around his barn. It was really complicated. But when you think about why Terry didn’t come home [metaphorically speaking, from his ski trip accident]Think about this story: He set up a little stool for me. I sat in my jeans and tried to milk the cow with my hands. It is very difficult to do this. I managed to squeeze out a little milk. I said: How do you do all this? He showed me this very sophisticated machine that milks cows automatically. He says, “Without this, Bob, I never would have done it.” … This milking machinery was the executive function of Glenn Brown’s farm. Now one of Terry’s saddest problems is his loss of his executive job…which is why part of him is still there [on the ski slope]. And that digression is why lawyers probably shouldn’t be paid by the hour.
5. While another Sanderson attorney, Lawrence Buehler, attempted to explain his client’s sometimes derogatory personality as follows: “When people get to know [Sanderson], After a while, they don’t want to deal with him anymore. These are real injuries. … your personality is permanently changing. …you lose everyone who knows you. Lose everyone – your family, they will put up with you, and maybe your lawyers. But, really, they’re just dealing with you.” He then suggested the jury award his client $3.2 million, which is a bit like saying, “Sure, our client is acting like an idiot, and we don’t like him either, but it’s all Gwyneth Paltrow’s fault, So you should give him millions of dollars.”
4. Sanderson’s attorney Kristen Van Orman took Paltrow on the witness stand. Lawyers frequently switch back and forth during auditions from suave charm to ferocious attacks as a strategy to try to get witnesses off guard and open, but some of VanOrman’s remarks struck viewers as a bit fan-like: VanOrman asked for Paltrow’s height (“just under 5’10”) and then Van Orman enthused, “I’m so jealous!” Paltrow replied, “I think I shrank, though.” VanOrman: “I have to wear 4″ heels just to be 5’5″!” “They’re so cute,” Paltrow confirmed dryly. Van Orman later called Paltrow “small but mighty…” and then amended it as if to berate herself, “Actually, you’re not that small…” When Paltrow asserts it’s a good dumper, Van Orman added, “Wonderful I wouldn’t expect anything less!” I felt as though Van Orman was, too That’s close To claim Paltrow for brunch.
3. Sanderson’s attorneys at one point wanted the Oscar winner to physically re-enact the incident, sparking the specter of someone pressing Paltrow’s back in the courtroom. The idea was even more troubling given that Paltrow said she briefly wondered if she had been sexually assaulted during the collision. Fortunately, the judge was quick to drop the idea. “Praise the judge for not allowing this to be re-enacted with Gwyneth being assaulted in front of all of us,” Owens said.
2. VanOrman scored a viral catch when she was asking Paltrow about her $1 suit. Paltrow replied, “Well, I lost half a day of skiing.” The quote was accurate and appropriate even to a line of questioning, given that Paltrow’s ski resort bill came to over $9,000 and was a token one-dollar discrepancy. But the elite’s distinct vibe was ripe for ridicule and memes on the Internet — especially considering that Paltrow’s team admitted that Sanderson broke four ribs in the collision.
1. Sanderson didn’t exactly help his credibility when he suddenly appeared to compare Paltrow to Jeffrey Epstein’s pedophile conviction. Van Orman asked if he regretted filing the lawsuit, to which Sanderson replied, “That’s the purpose, I think, to make me regret filing this lawsuit. It’s the pain of trying to sue a celebrity.” Pressed if it was important to him to bring this lawsuit, Sanderson began to get frustrated and almost shouted: “It was just that. I was seriously injured and many insults added to me… This is clearly a problem for which one must be held accountable.” If they aren’t held accountable, they will do it again.” Then this happened: “Now we have… molestation of young children on an island—denial!” Paltrow’s lawyer quickly criticized the comparison as “ridiculous testimony.” To her credit, Van Orman finished her questioning as quickly as she could.
